iDespair* - A cautionary tale of online ordering with one of the world’s biggest e-commerce systems

The story has a simple, and some might say touching, beginning. A fathers pride at his daughter’s successful bid to go to University and his fear that she might walk off with the home computer, leaving her parents adrift in a seemingly empty world of cyber chat.

So, the task was to procure her a laptop with all of the software she would need for the next 4 years. What could be simpler? And where would the best Student deals emerge? I had to look no further than Apple – and here was my opportunity to migrate another family member into the Mac world, another nail in the coffin of PC Gates. I jumped at the chance – order a laptop for a new student and get a FREE iTouch. That would mean a net saving of over £150 on the price of the, lets be honest here, more expensive but perfectly suited MacBook. I felt the moral justification swelling in my bank balance.

Ah! The online Apple Store. What temptation. What a dangerous place to send a middle-aged man without proper assistance. I browsed and I shopped and then I shopped some more, and before I knew it I had a shopping list as long as my….well, it was quite long! So I stared at my credit card, a bead of sweat trickling from my hair line, and then, there it was – the Apple Credit Finance link – a gleaming phone number that would take away all of my problems, at a better APR than VISA…happy days!

I dialled and got through almost immediately to my guy Gerry, talking to me from sunny Austin, Texas, US, and telling me all about his pending holiday to see his folks in Idaho (wherever that is!). And that was the moment that life, as I knew it ended! Apple, ably supported by Gerry, Catrina, Lloyd and a cast of thousands at Barclays Credit Finance, successfully managed to destroy my perception of Apple over an 8-week period.

Lets cut to the chase here – I have recently cancelled my order in a rather robust and loud conversation with the unwitting Apple Europe employee, when he asked me to re-make my order and finance agreement for the 4th time, 2 days after my third delivery date had expired. But here is a brief summation: -

• I placed an order for over £1800 worth of stuff at the start of July, and because of a conflict in some of my address information (the billing address was different to the shipping address) I had to make 2 orders and go through 2 finance agreement questionnaires on the first day. Finance denied because of this conflict
• 2nd Order finally approved when I changed the shipping address to match the billing address
• 2nd Order cancelled on shipping day when Apple discovered that I live on an Island
• 3rd Order placed and new finance agreement completed and mainland shipping address re-reinstated
• 3rd Order then modified on line by Apple to state that shipping would be agreed at Shipping date
• 3rd Order cancelled by Apple 2 days after due shipping date because we hadn’t agreed a shipping address, which, if it was to the Isle of Wight, would also be cancelled because the VAT rate was different on the Isle of Wight (?)
• Apple dude phones me to remake 4th order and …well you know the rest.

So, what did I do? I walked 150 yards to the Apple Store in West Quay where a very helpful Store Manager listened to my tale and promptly sold me almost all of the stuff I wanted with a generous 15% discount. Why didn’t I do this before – good question? The truth is, the online offers got me in and encouraged me to make further purchases before the e-commerce kicked in and we all hit a wall.

So what’s the moral here? Well, if a business that boasts billions in online revenues based on 59p here and £7.99 there can’t join up the dots on £1800 orders then effectively they are the Computer world equivalent of Poundland. And I shouldn’t be so lazy when the real solution is so close. Just get off your ….!

* All reproduction rights to iDespair will go to the Steven Barnes Foundation for the impoverished supporters of Nooneshandonthetiller.com the forum for disillusioned Southampton FC supporters

Simon Johnson as IT director would like to distance himself from these comments as he is an avid Apple fanboy :o)

Posted by Simon Dover