The Vanity of Men

It has long been a contention of mine that men of all ages and persuasions are becoming worryingly absorbed with self-image, and the line between male and female vanity is now just a blur.

It could be that this increase in male self-esteem can be attributed to the popularity of TV programmes such as Geordie Shore and The Only Way Is Essex, in which male stars routinely use grooming gadgets and treatments traditionally associated with females.

Why this sudden awareness of the male NPO (narcissistic personality disorder) and what are the measures that provide evidence of the trend?

Well, here’s one. Daryl Humphries, an executive at Dixons Travel, said: “The traditional image of Brits abroad has changed massively with men no longer stereotyped as wearing knotted hankies or string vests.

“Instead we are seeing the rise in popularity of the ‘Geordie Shore’ male – all plucked, preened and presented."

“We are increasingly noticing men coming into our stores to pick up last minute travel essentials, such as a hair dryer and travel iron, before they board the aircraft – and hoping their girlfriends don’t notice,”  - he said.

Today, men’s electrical products sit in their suitcases alongside more traditional items such as iPods and iPads. The average value of the gadgets in a typical man’s case is now well over £1,000.

And it’s not a condition that rests solely with the younger man. The problem is, the older you get, the less likely hair dryers, straighteners and some anti-wrinkle creams are going to cut it. Enter Macho 2.0. - a generation of middle to senior men who rely more on cosmetic surgery to maintain their visage than Jocelyn Wildenstein. A good example would be Vladimir Putin.

Male cosmetic surgery has become a global phenomenon. In fact, the top cosmetic surgery of Korean men is the nose lift; men in the United Kingdom prefer their chins enhanced; and Dr. Z Teo claims "eye bag surgery is the most common request of our male patients."

So, as I sit on my morning commute, watching a preening elder statesman with a surfeit of self-absorption, and little or no social awareness, groom his silver hair for an hour and apply significant amounts of skincare products –obviously a guy who values his beauty sleep and missed the alarm - I got to thinking what this was all about.

Because, unless I’m sadly mistaken, no one yet has created the elixir of life. All that’s happening is that the embalmers need fewer potions to make us look good in the casket.

As long as these guys are happy to guide me across the street with their smooth hands and open a door that is becoming increasingly hard to negotiate, I’m happy for them to carry on reducing the image of the ‘hairy hunk’.

The future is looking good!

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